Man pays for flights, hotel, and car for girlfriend's Bahamas vacation with her 12-year-old son, ghosts him when he refuses to pay $2500 more: 'You are not going on the trip yourself, so you don't owe her anything'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 19, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Transactional relationships are a tough break. You might think you're entering into a partnership because you enjoy the other person's company, but they might have a different idea in mind. In the age of social media, this has become more and more common. We're incentivized to use each other- for access, for clout, or for money. The digital world flattens relationships into two dimensions, and it's harder to access the real side of someone. That's why it's so important to keep your genuine friendships close. The only real thing you should be getting out of a relationship is happiness, trust, and support. Anything else is a gray area, and the lines become very easy to cross. 

That's what happened in this situation, where a man was taken advantage of by someone he thought he could trust. Read on for the details, and to watch the slow unraveling of a transactional relationship. 

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    via Unsplash+ (Diana Light)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for telling my girlfriend to pay for her own vacation My 37(M) girlfriend (35f) had a vacation planned to the Bahamas with her son (12) before we even started dating. Before they left, I basically paid for the hotel, the car rental and even had to pay for
    via u/triplebogeyking
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    their flights since there was a change on the date. Now I have no issues with the vacation at all since of course it was planned since before we got together and I would never try and come between a mother and her kid. She had supposedly been planning this for over a year. Right before they left, she tells me that she needs to borrow 2500 for the trip. I told her
    via u/triplebogeyking
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    I didn't have it to give to her as I still have my mortgage to pay and my own kids to take care of. All in all I've already paid for about 5k of the trip. I told her that if she couldn't afford the trip then she really shouldn't be going. Of course she for mad and they left and I haven't heard from her since. I've seen posts on social media, but no contact at all between us. Of course friends are telling me I was too hard on her and that what I said was mean. AITA?
    via u/triplebogeyking
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    ejdjd 7h ago • • What exactly did she plan for? The hotel (you paid)? The car rental (you paid)? The flights (you paid)? So far YOU have paid for HER "planned" vacation and she has the nerve to want $2500.00 MORE for her food and entertainment? You got scammed by a grifter. NTA
    via u/ejdjd
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    StonkPhilia • 7h ago. NTA. You already paid a substantial amount for a trip that wasn't even planned with you in mind, and it's completely reasonable to set boundaries when it comes to finances. Relationships shouldn't involve one person carrying the full financial
    via u/StonkPhilia
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    burden, and $5k is already a generous contribution. If she can't afford the rest of the trip, that's something she needed to plan for herself, especially since this vacation was supposed to be her responsibility from the start.
    via u/StonkPhilia
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    . The_Naxian_ • 7h ago I believe you have been scammed. Your post is quite difficult to understand too. How could she have planned things in advance but you paid for it? If your post is real you were taken for a fool and when you realized it she left.
    via u/The_Naxian_
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    P.. 7h ago Edited 18m ago • • Definitely NTA. 1. A trip is a luxury, not a necessity, she should be able to afford it on her own 2. You are not going on the trip yourself, so you don't owe her anything 3. You've already put in $5,000, what more can she ask you for?
    via u/PhilosophicalWarPig
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    4. Because you only gave her $5,000 instead of $7,500, she decides to go no contact with you. You aren't her boyfriend, you are her wallet. Get out of this relationship. She may be locating a new boyfriend in the Bahamas as we speak.
    via u/PhilosophicalWarPig
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    AdSwimming8949 · 6h ago . $7500 for a trip to the Bahamas? I'd be hard pressed to spend $4000. The Bahamas are not a five star destination. Write this off as an expensive mistake and move on.
    via u/AdSwimming8949
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    CymruB 7h ago Sounds like you're being taken for a ride I'm afraid. She tried to use you to finance an entire trip you weren't part of.
    via u/CymruB
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    Lucky-Effective-... • 6h ago YTA for falling for her scam. She got a free holiday from you and was going for spending money as well.
    via u/Lucky-Effective-1564
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    PunderandLightnin 6h ago • I don't understand why you paid 5k in the first place, for a trip you weren't going on. At what point did she say she has planned a trip, can't afford it and could you pay, please? You are generous and kind but it seems you have been taken advantage of. Cut your losses and save for a great holiday with your own kids.
    via u/PunderandLightnin
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    whoknowsme2001 · 7h ago NTA- you simply do not have the money to spare and it's unfair of her to expect you to front the money for it. Especially if you're already paid for most of the trip.
    via u/whoknowsme2001
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    • Illustrious-Unit-... 7h ago • NTA cancel hotel, rental car, check if tickets can be refunded or sold, or at least the name changed so you can bring a friend
    via u/Illustrious-Unit-636
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    amaerau03 · 6h ago • . NTA you already paid a good amount of the trip and she wanted to borrow 2500? Also want you said wasn't mean it was pretty decent advice. My thought though is what were her plans if you didn't start dating her? How would she been able to afford this trip she's been planning for a year or more? You were right you don't have the money bills come first.
    via u/amaerau03
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    tiredAndHungry55 • 6h ago NTA, you mean your ex- girlfriend, right? You already gave her 5K and now she's asking for more money. Don't settle for someone who sees you as a human bank and is trying to scam you.
    via u/tiredAndHungry55
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    RedRunner04 6h ago . You gave money towards a trip you're not even going on? Yikes.
    via u/RedRunner04
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    starlitdreamss • 7h ago . NTA. Paying for flights, hotel, and car rental already puts you in the MVP category. If she's had a year to plan and still needed $2,500 more, the math isn't adding up - but your boundaries are. A vacation shouldn't require a personal sponsor.
    via u/starlitdreamss
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    This_Grab_452 • 6h ago • NTA Dude, you need better friends. If you can't afford what looks like $7K+ vacation, you don't go. You organize a trip that fits your budget.
    via u/This_Grab_452
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    The timeline of your relationship is a bit unclear but I wouldn't be surprised if you were supposed to be the proud sponsor of her vacation. Since you fell through, there's no point on continuing the relationship.
    via u/This_Grab_452
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    AggressivePlank... • 6h ago You're not hearing from her bc she's paying for the rest as she was supposed to. She's always had/has the money to go on the trip, but you apparently have more money so she saw a chance and took it
    via u/AggressivePlankton22

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